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Alright, friend—you’re locked in the basement, zombies groaning outside, and you’re staring down a stack of canned chili like it’s mocking you. No can opener. Just your wits, a few odd tools, and a growling stomach. Let’s fix that.
Here are a few surprisingly effective ways to open a can without the traditional tool. But hey—fair warning: these methods leave sharp, jagged edges. If you’ve got gloves, use ’em. If not, just be slow and careful.
1. The Trusty Spoon (Seriously.)
Sounds ridiculous, but this one actually works.
What you’ll need:
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A sturdy metal spoon
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A little grit
How to do it:
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Grip the spoon like you’re getting ready to stir a very intense stew.
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Rub the tip of the spoon back and forth right at the inner edge of the can’s lid (where the top meets the rim).
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Keep going—firm pressure and quick motions will wear the metal down. Eventually, the spoon will poke through.
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Once you’ve got that hole, use the spoon to pry the lid up, working your way around the edge.
Bonus tip: A butter knife or flathead screwdriver works the same way, if your wrists need a break.
2. The Chef’s Knife Hack (Don’t Use the Tip!)
Now, I know what you’re thinking—but this one’s not as dangerous as it sounds if you do it right.
What you’ll need:
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A chef’s knife with a thick, strong blade
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A steady hand
How to do it:
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Hold the knife so your thumb rests on the flat of the blade, just above the heel (the part near the handle—not the sharp tip).
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Place the heel of the blade into the groove along the can’s lid.
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Point the knife away from you (no zombie injuries, please).
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Press down with firm, quick pressure to punch through the lid.
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Keep working your way around the can until the lid is loose enough to pry off.
Just don’t go rogue with the knife tip—it’s more dangerous and less effective.
3. Good Old Concrete
Yep. If you’ve got a concrete floor or wall, you don’t even need tools.
What you’ll need:
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A can
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Some patience
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A strong will
How to do it:
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Turn the can upside down and rub the lid against the concrete in small circles.
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Keep going until you wear down the lip of the lid (watch for moisture—it means you’re close).
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Wipe off the metal shavings (you don’t want that in your beans).
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Squeeze the can gently on the sides, and pop! the lid will buckle and peel away.
Messy? A bit. Satisfying? Oh, yes.
Final Thoughts: When Hunger Meets Ingenuity
Sure, it would’ve been smart to stash a manual can opener in your bug-out kit. But life—and zombie apocalypses—rarely go according to plan. So if you find yourself staring down dinner with no way in, remember: humans are problem solvers. And beans taste even better when you’ve worked for them.
Just be safe, go slow, and don’t forget to eat. You’ve got this. And who knows? Maybe when the world rebuilds, you’ll be the neighbor who knows how to open cans with concrete. That’s a pretty cool party trick.