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You ever sit around with your friends, dead tired, starving, someone orders pizza… and when the boxes show up, everyone goes silent? Not because it’s amazing. But because someone had the audacity to put anchovies on one of them?
Yeah. That happened to me. There was one slice left. Everyone looked at it. Everyone didn’t take it. Even the guy who once ate leftover shrimp tacos out of a gym locker said “nah, I’m good.”
There’s something oddly fascinating about how pizza—this perfect, universally adored food—can instantly become the enemy when the wrong topping shows up. Let’s talk about those toppings. The ones that start fights. The ones that make people switch sides in group chats. The toppings that, honestly, some of us would rather go hungry than eat.
And hey, if you like any of these? No judgment. But also, maybe explain yourself.
So, Why Are We Like This?
Real quick before we get into it: pizza is sacred. And weirdly personal. It’s comfort. It’s nostalgia. It’s late nights and college dorms and awkward birthday parties. So when someone puts something on a pizza that feels wrong… it’s not just a food issue. It’s emotional.
Okay, rant over. Let’s get into the stuff that ruins friendships.
1. Anchovies: Why Do They Taste Like the Ocean Yelled at Me?
Tiny, oily, salty, and staring at you from the cheese like they know they’re not welcome—anchovies are the OG “controversial” pizza topping.
Some people (usually your one foodie friend who uses the word “umami” a lot) swear they add depth. Complexity. Brininess. Whatever that means. Others? Genuinely feel attacked.
It’s not just the taste—it’s the vibe. Anchovies feel aggressive. Like they showed up to your pizza party uninvited and brought a fishy attitude.
Pro tip: If you must include them, mash them into the sauce so they disappear into the background like a seasoning. No judgment… just keep them away from me.
2. Pineapple: The Sweetest Scandal in Pizza History
Okay. This one? Gets people heated. We’re talking sibling feuds. Marriages strained. Presidents weighing in. All over… pineapple.
Here’s the deal: some people love the sweet-salty combo of pineapple and ham. It’s basically Hawaiian vacation energy on a slice. Others think it’s blasphemy. “Fruit doesn’t belong on pizza,” they say, as they dunk their crust in ranch like that’s normal.
Me? I’ll eat it. But I’m not ordering it. There, I said it.
3. Sardines: Like Anchovies, But… Worse?
You thought anchovies were intense? Sardines are like their beefier, even smellier cousins.
They’re bigger, they’re oilier, and they show up in chunks. Sardines don’t try to hide. They want you to know they’re there. And once you do? Good luck forgetting.
Unless you’re super into canned fish (which, weirdly, is trending right now), this is probably a hard pass. They taste like they’ve seen some things—and now so have you.
4. Durian: For When You Want Your Pizza to Smell Like Regret
Durian. On pizza. Let that sink in for a second.
For the uninitiated, durian is a tropical fruit from Southeast Asia that smells like… how do I put this gently… burning garbage in a sweaty locker room. People love it over there. It’s called the “king of fruits.” But on pizza?
It’s like dessert and dairy had a fight in your mouth and you lost.
That said, if you’re from a place where durian is beloved, I respect the nostalgia. But please warn your dinner guests. And maybe open a window.
5. Blue Cheese: Sophisticated… or Smells Like Socks?
You know when something smells kinda bad, but also kinda fancy?
That’s blue cheese.
It’s creamy. It’s strong. It has opinions. And on pizza—especially when paired with stuff like caramelized onions or balsamic glaze—it can be gourmet magic.
Or, it can taste like moldy regret.
The line between “yum” and “help, my tongue is fighting me” is very thin here.
6. Canned Tuna: Who Hurt You?
Let’s be clear: tuna salad is fine. Tuna melts are decent. But hot, canned tuna on a pizza?
That’s something else.
It’s not just the taste—it’s the smell. You crack open that box and suddenly the room smells like a break room microwave incident. Even if it’s seasoned well and loaded with onions and olives… it’s still fish. With cheese. And warm mayo energy.
It’s a no from me. But in Germany, it’s a thing. So maybe I’m just uncultured.
7. Pickles: We’re Getting Weird Now
This one surprised me. Pickles on pizza? Like, actual dill pickles?
But here’s the thing… it kinda works. If the pizza is going for a cheeseburger vibe. Think: white garlic sauce, ground beef, pickles, drizzle of ketchup. It’s basically a burger, but flat.
That said, if I bite into a classic pepperoni slice and get a mouthful of sour pickle? We’re throwing hands.
8. Olives: You Either Love Them or You Think They Taste Like Soap
Look, I love olives. They’re salty. They’re briny. They’re fancy if you pretend hard enough.
But I know people who treat olives like they personally insulted their mother.
Black olives are the more mild option. Green ones? Those little guys bring heat. Bitter, punchy, and a little chaotic.
If you’re anti-olive, I see you. I respect your choice. Please just pick them off instead of yelling at the waiter.
9. Hot Dogs: Pizza for People Who Can’t Decide
There’s something… childlike about hot dogs on pizza. Like someone mashed two birthday parties together. And honestly? Sometimes that works.
It’s not sophisticated. It’s not subtle. But it is nostalgic. If you’re 12. Or very, very hungry at 1 AM.
Just don’t call it gourmet. It’s pizza that gave up and said “fine, we’ll use what’s in the fridge.”
10. Corn: Sweet. Yellow. Weirdly Popular?
Corn is actually a super common topping in places like South Korea and Brazil. And it’s not awful. Adds a little pop, a little sweetness.
But let’s be real: no one in Italy is putting corn on pizza.
It’s like the edible equivalent of “sure, I guess.” Not offensive. Just… why?
11. Eggplant: The Texture Struggle Is Real
Eggplant has potential. When grilled or roasted properly, it’s smoky and soft and kinda meaty. But when done wrong?
It’s a soggy, sad sponge.
Some people love the way it absorbs flavor. Others think it feels like chewing on a damp paper towel. I won’t name names, but someone in my family peels it off and hides it under the crust.
So… What’s YOUR Pizza Red Flag?
Maybe it’s fish. Maybe it’s fruit. Maybe you think meat on pizza is a crime and only want veggies. That’s the beauty (and the chaos) of pizza—it’s deeply personal.
But seriously, if you bring durian or tuna pizza to a party… maybe give people a heads-up?
Let’s Start a Friendly Fight
What’s the one topping you’d leave behind even if it was the last slice?
Drop it in the comments. Roast it. Defend it. Start a passionate but loving food war.
Just, you know—don’t be that person who unironically says “everything except pineapple.” We’ve heard it. We know.
Pizza is love. Pizza is war. Choose your toppings wisely.