When it comes to fruits and vegetables, what’s your goal?
Do you want your kids to like them? Or just to eat them? (And, relatedly, would you be satisfied with one bite, something I call the happy bite?)
It sounds like a silly question. You probably want to answer “both.” After all, kids who like fruits and vegetables presumably eat more of them than kids who don’t like fruits and vegetables.
But let’s say you had to pick one goal over the other, which would it be? To help you think about this, let’s turn the question on its head.
If you had to accept only one of the following conditions, which would you prefer?
A) Your children like vegetables but eat only one happy bite at dinner.
B) Your children don’t like vegetables but will eat a full serving, usually with your urging.
If you want your children to develop a lifelong habit of eating vegetables, go with answer A: The Happy Bite. It’s a long-term technique that pays off. The Happy Bite produces:
- Positive associations with food for your kids.
- A doable eating “assignment.”
- Pleasant mealtime interactions between you and your children.
- The right lifelong eating habits.
The Happy Bite rocks. It’s the no-pressure way to teach your kids the right lifelong habits.
Sadly, most parents go after consumption, not after liking. (How else can we account for the popularity of the Two More Bites Tango?)
A friend recently asked me if my daughter eats salad. The awe and admiration he expressed when I said “yes” turned sour, however, when I elaborated. “She eats a very small spoonful every night, and we only serve her items from the salad that we knows she enjoys.” In other words, we lose the lettuce, but pile on the cucumbers, tomatoes, and any other vegetable that has made it into the mix.
My friend responded with some version of, “I could get my son to eat salad too if I did it that way. But that’s not really eating salad.” So he gave up trying.
You might feel the same way. You might also want more from your kids.
But I’ve got a happy salad-eating habit going. My daughter is open to salad because of The Happy Bite. Pressuring her to eat more salad, or to eat more items from the salad, would ruin the whole thing. Besides, more will come in time. Read Salad Days.
The nutrition model encourages parents to count bites, but it’s counterproductive.
It’s not surprising parents focus on consumption—How else can you comply with the USDA’s recommendation to fill half your kids’ plates with fruits and vegetables?—but it’s a shame. When you push kids to eat more, they usually eat less.
Focusing on consumption distracts parents from their main mission: actively cultivating their children’s appreciation for fruits and vegetables. Liking has to proceed consumption. Makes sense, right?
But there’s more. By focusing on consumption parents are actually undermining their own efforts. Kids don’t usually develop positive associations with foods they’ve been forced to eat. In the longrun this tactic is a bust. Happy Bites, however, produce Happy Feelings! Sometimes less is more.
The key to new food acceptance—i.e. to liking—is to focus on exposure, not volume.
It doesn’t matter how much your children eat. What matters is how frequently they eat it. Read A New Approach to Teaching Tots to Try New Foods.
Over time, consumption always increases. (One day your child might even actually order a restaurant salad for dinner!)
In the meantime, remember this: Happy Bites add up. Use them frequently throughout the day and you’ll be surprised by the results you will get.
~Changing the conversation from nutrition to habits.~
Cindy says
Good one. My youngest is a picture perfect "happy bite" girl.
jen says
I have to say, I love your blog. My daughter is 4 and I've raised her with a very no pressure attitude towards food. I also only serve food that I would eat (that means no chicken nuggets among other things). People are always in awe when she talks about eating artichokes and mussels. However, I'll never forget the day that we were at an in-law's house and my daughter had a low-consumption breakfast (which doesn't bother me, as long as she doesn't think a snack is coming in 30 minutes) and asked to be excused. The in-law gave her the "eat 2 more bites and then you can get up" answer. I will never forget the look of hurt and panic on my daughter's face at those words. I quickly told my daughter she was free to leave the table and then my husband and I had to explain that we don't use the "2 more bites" at our house. Our daughter eats a broad variety of food — sometimes more, sometimes less – but she gets to decide when she is full, not us.
Dina Rose says
Here's to all the Happy Bite kids out there. Thanks Cindy and Jen for sharing!
Dina
Vestifarian says
Another great post, as usual Dina!
And thanks also to Jen for sharing how to deal with "well meaning" others who try to pressure your kids to eat.
Dina – can you share some quick & easy veggie snack ideas for kids that aren't (currently) big veggie fans? I'm trying hard to offer veggies at every meal/snack (he has no problem with fruits), but I'm running out of good ideas, especially without repeating 2 days in a row.
Thanks, Emma
Norma says
What Jen said in the second comment here is the key to it: DON'T eat pointless foods yourself, and don't feed your kids "dumbed down kid foods" (hot dogs, fries, chicken nuggets, microwave mac & cheese, "uncrustables," "lunchables") that you wouldn't eat yourself. Honestly, if they are accustomed to real foods from the beginning, that is what they know and enjoy — real ingredients and real flavors. And yes, seeing well-meaning parents/grandparents/caregivers pushing kids to eat "more bites" or "rewarding" eating more dinner with MORE food (dessert/treat) enrages me.
Julie says
Even though this post is a little dated, i thought I would make a comment because I have a slightly differing point-of-view. I have actually found that mildly pressuring my children to eat just one taste, including swallowing, has worked extremely well for us. I have a daughter who is a vegetable lover for the most part but my other daughter would eat only raw carrots, corn and peas. She now also eats all carrots, squash, potatoes, bell peppers, cucumbers, broccoli, celery, cherry tomatoes, onions, lettuce, spinach and herbs using the just eat one bite method, including the odd bribe, over a period of time. A second method that has worked well is allowing them to disguise the taste with a vegetable dip or hummus they really like, so that the vegetable simply becomes a vessel for the dip. I try to pick all natural versions or make my own, because they can eat quite a bit of dip – now they rarely ask for the dip, and I don't offer it but will provide if requested. Another method is feeding crudites or other vegetables to them when they are starving, as when they are waiting for dinner to be ready. I put a variety in a bowl for each of them, focusing on what they like but throwing a few extras in there. Finally, I will sometimes just change the form, cook it differently, put it in something else. A lot of the battle with them is familiarity, and just getting them to taste. The idea is to employ a variety of techniques that will get them to taste, which eventually leads to liking. Also, this has opened them up to experimentation, every additional food has been easier and easier to get them to like. We do cut them some slack on things we know that they really don't like (in their case, it's mushrooms). Timing is also key: one new thing at a time and a good mood improves the chances of success.
They are just getting into school age and I am now getting to the point where they eat quite a vast array of foods. I myself enjoy a variety of different foods, so it's very important that family meals have a lot of interesting flavors. I recently had a birthday party for my daughter and made all of the food from scratch, and I was astounded at what some children would not eat without even trying (typical kid fare at that). It might seem a little overly strict in this day and age of giving children way too many options and control, but that is just a non-starter in our household. Unless the food is very spicy, the rule is that you try at least one bite before deciding if you like it. My parents would always make us try things; it taught us the lesson that many tastes are acquired and that those things can even end up becoming some of your favorite foods (I didn't like wine or sushi the first time I tried either one, but I am quite happy today that I stuck it out and kept trying 😉
Dina Rose says
Julie,
It sounds like you've put together a system that works for your family. Light pressure does work. Unfortunately, most people don't stop with light pressure. It sounds like you have. And I don't think what you've said is inconsistent with The Happy Bite.
Thanks for sharing your story.
Dina
Chanale says
Happy Bite! Genius!
Robin says
So excited to have found this blog! So many great tips! I'll be back often!
Dina Rose says
Fantastic. Welcome to the blog Robin.
Dina
Jodi says
So, I'm not exactly sure what this post is saying. Are you saying that each time you feed your kids fruits and veggies, you give them one, small portion of foods they do like? This is in addition to the pea-sized new food and other things you know they like? I'm sorry, I'm confused. I am loving your blog, though!
Dina Rose says
Welcome to the blog, Jodi!
I'm saying that instead of focusing on how many bites of veg your kids eat, it would be better to scale back — even to one bite — and make it a happy bite. The only way to turn kids into veggie-loving people is to make veggie-eating a happy event, not a coercive one. In general, my philosophy is to serve very small portions and let kids come back for seconds. Regarding new foods, I'm a big advocate of asking kids to taste, but not to eat new foods. Many kids won't taste if they think they have to eat, or worse, they'll say they don't like something to prevent having to eat it. Change the goal; you'll get better results.
Hope this helps.
Dina
Sarah says
Hi your book was recommended to me for dealing with my son's (who has Autism and sensory issues) very limited diet (mostly crunchy, zero fruits and vegetables, many food allergies which complicate things.
I agree with what you are saying about how rewards make the "good" foods seem like a chore, but how do you feel about a small non-food reward for taking a Happy Bite? Because honestly, we've been trying the slow exposure system for about 2 years now in occupational therapy with a wide variety of foods and getting nowhere. We've gotten to where he's willing to hold a new food in his mouth for ten seconds and spit it out and he is quite proud of himself and I make a huge deal out of it, but we have been pretty stagnant at this stage for quite some time. I guess I'm asking you for permission to give him a reward or a sticker chart for actually swallowing a small bite of a good food, like a fruit or vegetable or piece of grilled chicken. I have about a million other questions, but I'll finish the book first and stop here for now. Thanks!
Dina Rose says
Sarah,
Again, sorry for the delay in answering your question. I think using a nonfood reward is a great idea for many children. Go for it. I've written about this before too. Also, if you'd like, schedule a free 30 minute consultation and we can discuss more.
DIna
Nina says
Just to clarify do you get them to eat the happy bite before they eat the stuff you know they will eat? I have tried to encourage the happy bite and that it’s only a taste and he only needs to “try” one mouthful but not having much success with my 3yo. He just shakes his head and turns his mouth away. I’ve encouraged him to smell it and tell me what colour it is etc but he’s not having a bar of it! How do I implement this more successfully as I love the idea of it. ‘Y husband and I love different cultures of food and I would love our son to grow up with the same appreciation. Thanks Dina!
Dina Rose says
The Happy Bite can only be used for foods your child already eats. If it’s a no-go food or a new food you’ll have to go back a step and work on sensory exploration. For foods your son is rejecting, this might mean just exploring what it looks or smells like. The Happy Bite works for the foods kids are happy to eat a bite or two of. Does that make sense?
If not, give me a call. You can schedule a free 30 minute consultation.
Dina